


If Only I Was

by dannn_ie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullied Pidge, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Child Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Boyfriend, Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt Angst, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, No Smut, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Pidge has Panick Attacks, Pidge | Katie Holt Angst, Pidge | Katie Holt is a Mess, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Pining Pidge | Katie Holt, Sad Pidge | Katie Holt, Sad Story, Small Allurance, Torture, Violence, Voltron Lions - Freeform, barely, but its fine, but there is sexy times, happyish ending, help a pidge out, lol im gonna cry, not promised, we aint about that life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannn_ie/pseuds/dannn_ie
Summary: ANGST for days, guys. Pidge bottled up her feelings ever since she was little, but not that bottle is breaking. Will Pidge be able to handle it? Can Lance help her through it?{Warning}: this book contains abuse, suicidal thoughts, and cursing.





	1. I've noticed

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sad and need to express my sadness in stories, lol.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pidge ain't about that allurance life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more angst than you would think. not gonna lie, first few chapters are the most confusing.

Pidge's POV

Hunk and I were sitting down on the couches when Allura and Lance had walked in.  
"For what special occasion?" Allura looked at the boy.  
"No occasion, just a date." Lance looked at her dashingly. They both didn't even seem to notice me and Hunk right in front of them.

Hunk chuckled as the two of them continued their conversation. He nudged me saying " They'd be a cute couple, right?". I looked up at him then back at my laptop continuing my work. My blood boiled at the sight of them. " Of course they would be a cute couple, they're perfect for each other", I thought.   
"Yeah if she finally gives him a chance", I let out. Maybe that day won't come, I hoped. Is it wrong to think those thoughts? I went blank letting my mind wander not paying attention to Hunk, Lance, and Allura until Hunk had said something.   
"No way, seriously?!" I turned to Hunk trying to understand the situation. His face was confused and happy all at the same time. He was looking at Allura and Lance, I quickly drew my attention to them, when I finally understood. The day that I hoped wouldn't come was here.

Lance's jaw dropped, his expression was just as if he saw a ghost. His face slowly turning red. He was frozen.  
"Well then, it's a date!" Allura looked happily at Lance. She then looked around frantically as if she was figuring out what she should do next, then finally her eyes beamed as an idea popped in her head, she looked at Lance, took his face by her hands then immediately right after she gave him a kiss. At that moment my heart dropped. I felt like I was gonna be sick, I got up dropping my laptop on the floor then I ran out the room bumping into Shiro and Keith on my way out. 

I panicked looking for a bathroom to throw up in or a corner to hid in. I kicked open the door since my hands were occupied, and I threw up in the toilet. Then after I started to cry.   
" What was I thinking? Of course she'd like him back." I said trying to catch my breath. I left the toilet then went to the sink were I examined myself in the mirror. Maybe if I grew my hair, ditched the glasses, got a dress, and acted girly then maybe just maybe I'd be in some competition with Allura. I turned away as if I was trying to hide the image, my eyes were watering and I felt like balling them out, but instead I looked at the mirror and faced myself once again. A sudden anger came over me and suddenly my arm felt like it was moving on it's own.   
" AUGHHHH!!!!" I screamed then punched the mirror causing it to shatter and my knuckles to bleed. My legs felt weak and immediately I fell to the floor crying. I couldn't stop screaming, from the other side of the door it could probably sound like I was getting murdered and maybe it did cause after a couple of minutes I heard Shiro knocking on the door. 

" Pidge! Pidge! Are you ok!!!" He shouted, I heard whispers following after signaling me that he wasn't alone.   
" GO AWAY!!!" I cried desperately.   
"Katie, open the door" he said softly. I went silent, Katie, I haven't heard my name in a while. I didn't answer and my attention went off from Shiro then towards my knuckles. I hade forgotten that they were bleeding, I had forgotten the pain they were in. I let out a bloodcurdling cry in realization. Not even moments after Shiro had sliced open the door and ran towards me. He noticed the blood on the floor and the shattered mirror, he picked up my hand in caution. My head sagged low not making a sound. After he had entered Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Allura had followed him. It had seemed like they were all staring at me.   
" STOP STARING!!!" I desperately screamed.  
"Pidge we didn't mean to." I looked up to notice Allura looking down at me with a concerned face on. She held her hand out for me to reach, but then I only slapped it away,got up and tried to walk away until soon after I collapsed. They all rushed over to me then my hearing started fading away as I saw Shiro say something to the others until I fell unconscious.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Third POV

Pidge laid unconscious on the floor while the paladins were all hovered over her.  
"SHE'S HURT! HUNK CARRY HER!" Shiro ordered. Hunk picked up the frail girl then his face grew to concern.  
"Shiro, she's light like feather light, do you think?" Hunk started to cry.   
"Now is not the time to think of what she was trying to do until she gets better." Keith answered putting one hand on Hunk's shoulder. The paladins then quickly carried Pidge to a healing pod and put her inside. Coran not knowing what was going on started asking questions.   
"Now's not the time, Coran how long will it take for her to heal?" Shiro said. Coran face quickly turned from worried to focused. He began to search for an answer to Shiro's question.   
"Only 2 Earth hours" he smiled at the worried paladins. A sigh of relief swept the room. Now to think of a more serious question, why did Pidge do this?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Time skip- after the two hours  
Pidge POV

The pain in my right arm was gone and I had waken up in a different area. A healing pod? I've always looked at people inside these, I've never suspected to be inside one. The doors disappeared open and I rubbed my eyes as I saw the paladins, the princess, and Coran all sleeping on the floor. Then I noticed Lance, the Cuban boy sitting right next to Allura, hand in hand. His eyes were blue and always reminded me of the sea, oh how I would love to get lost in them but I'm afraid that now that chance is blown. I then look at his lips noticing how soft they looked, wondering if it would feel that way pressed against mine. What am I thinking right now, I thought. I tried to shake that image out of my head and realize the bigger picture.

"I wonder what their all doing here" I whispered under my breath. Curious to find out I walked over to Hunk and nudged him awake.   
" Hey Hunk what all you all doing here?" I asked him quietly afraid to wake the others. He stared at me, still seeming to be half asleep. He replied " Pidge just let me sleep." Then to me it seemed as if he went back to sleep, but only moments later did he jump up screaming " PIDGE!". He startled me as well as weakening up the others. They all saw me and ran towards me saying my name.  
"I don't know what's happening, but can we stop hugging?" I looked at them. They all gave each other glances then turned back at me and said " oh of course.".   
"Are we done here now? Cause I'd like to go to my room and do some research abo-" i was starting to walk away until I was cut off by Shiro.  
"Uhhhh what's happening?" I blurted. Lance and Hunk were also blocking the exits with Keith and Allura standing behind me.   
"Guys seriously." I snapped. Shiro then pointed to the couches. "Sit down", he said.   
" Excuse me? I'm not sitting, not now." I glared at him. He glared back. " Katie, sit down." He was angered now. He had said that with a stern voice.  
" Second time today" I chuckled. "Refer me as Pidge, Shiro. Also move out of my way, I don't have the patience for this, I don't want to see th-". I cut myself off and I noticed that I started tearing up. I wiped away a tear as Shiro came closer to me to say " Pidge, please we can't see you hurt like this." I looked up at him then to the exits to noticed Lance and Hunk had moved their positions from exits to my side, nows my chance. I ran towards the door, opening it then ran to my room. I had heard Keith and Lance follow after me, but luckily I made it in my room in time.

" Pidge, please don't hurt yourself more." I heard Lance cry outside my door. He was crying. For me. That made me start balling my eyes out. I can't stand to see him hurting, let alone hear him crying.  
" Lance." I called to him. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry, I'll come out now." I opened the door to see Lance right in front of more door. He took one look at me then hugged me right away.   
"Oh Pidge, you had me worried" he whispered softly so I wouldn't hear him, but I did. My eyes widened. Worried?   
"Worried?" I said back to him confused. "Oh, so you heard. Pidge your like my sister, of course I'm worried." Sister. That's all that echoed in my head as the tall boy hugged me tightly until he let me loose. I was still crying, and Lance had noticed.  
"Pidge, lets go to the others now." Where was Keith? I could've sworn he was running as well as Lance, maybe I was wrong. We walked back to the room, not saying a word to each other. We made it back to the room and I finally sat down to immediately ask " Why, why are you all worried. What did I do to make you hurt?" I started tearing up again. Allura hugged me hoping it would make me feel better when it only made me feel worse. "We has thought you tried to commit, you know?" Hunk was crying now. He blurted it out so suddenly that when he said it I stood up then looked around the room to see everyone had thought that way too. "Suicide? How could I? THAT NEVER CAME ACROSS MY MIND!!!" My sadness was covered with anger of Hunk's comment. "HOW COULD I JUST UP AND KILL MYSELF BECAUSE SOMETHING DIDN'T GO MY WAY!! IM APART OF VOLTRON AND WILL NEVER LEAVE!!" I finally cried. The paladins all looked back at me in relief and guilt. They had all accused my outburst as an attempt of suicide. I was naturally hurt. So hurt that I stormed off to not my room, but Allura's.

I was mad because of her, I was jealous of her. I'm not pretty, I'm ugly. I looked around her room and thought of mine. There is no similarities between the two girl's room. I fell to the floor, I'm just not good enough. I never was, I wasn't back then and I'm not now. I wasn't girly back then and now I'm definitely not. My hair, why'd I cut it? To find Matt and dad of course, plus the glasses. So couldn't he at least take pity that the fact that she wasn't her normal self was because of her family. He wants a girl that's beautiful and sweet. I'm not that, and I never will be, but can't I still try? Maybe if I find a dress or two, straighten my hair, and acted sweet then maybe he'll flirt with her. I mean he even said himself that he'll flirt with any pretty girl he comes across. So does that mean, I'm not even pretty enough to flirt with, am I that ugly.

I turned to Allura's dressed and found a scissor. What if I actually killed my self? How would they feel , how would he feel? I shook my head. Just stick to the dresses Pidge, no, Katie. I heard a knock on the door, I opened it to see Allura, I then remembered I was in her room. "Oh sorry Allura, I forgot which room I had entered. And actually could you help me with something?" Allura looked at me confused and when I said what my request was, her eyes beamed and she dragged me to her closet.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A little time skip, still in Pidge's POV

"Do you think I look nice?" I asked Allura. She was eyeing me up and down with joy in her face. I was embarrassed to even think that Allura, the girl I was jealous of was helping me. " You look stunning Pi- Katie!" She replied. Allura has dressed me in a green dress that was was off the shoulder with its collar up my neck, she gave me a pink and purple flower crown to wear and a pair of silver earrings, she even had a pair of sneakers with a little alien face on the side of them( which are ADORABLE), but she kept my hair and glasses the same.

We had stayed up all night planning my outfit. "Is this alright, Princess?" She looked at me confused if I had just her feelings. " Pidge you look beautiful, now go out and show it." She shoved me out her room. " Allura, No No nonono" I yelled her name so loud that I didn't even hear Lance sneak up on me.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Lance's POV

I had heard Pidge yell Allura name from the corner so I went toward the noise, unexpectedly I found a all girl dressed up, she looked so beautiful, no not beautiful. There was no word to describe her. She was so occupied that she didn't even hear me walk up to her, which was great because I knew I was blushing right now. I didn't even notice who she was at first until I saw her glasses and hair, Pidge. "Pidge?" She turned to me, shocked. Her face began to beam red. At that moment it felt like my heart was struck my a Cupid, it felt like I just found an angel, why haven't I noticed her in this way before. I stepped closer to her " Uh Pidge, that's you isn't it? You look amazing, I can't even describe it." Oops those last words weren't supposed to come out. She stared at me in awe, I got closer to her again. "Pidge, stop me if I get to close or go to far, but I'm just lost in your eyes. The way your glasses gleam is so adorable." I took her hand. Freckles ran down her arms, I had never noticed before because she's wore long sleeves before. Then Pidge stepped closer to me this time. "Your freckles are adorable" I blurted. She chuckled, we both never took our eyes off each other. Now I kept looking at her lips, I desperately wanted to kiss them, how they longed for something to touch them. Then I held her face with my hands and before I knew it both of our lips had met.


	2. I'm Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oooo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just incase you've already since this story before, it's my story from wattpad.

Pidge's POV 

My eyes were closed, his hands on my face and mine on his shoulders, he was so tall that I was even on my tip toes though he was bent over. The kiss was so unexpected, I couldn't believe it. Then I remembered THIS IS MY FIRST KISS. I opened my eyes and backed away from him, he was blushing and his eyes seemed as if he was longing for another. He kept looking at me in awe, then I suddenly realized.   
It's the outfit, he doesn't actually like you. He just finally sees you as a girl.

I got sad and started staring at my shoes, he noticed my sudden change in emotion.   
"Pidge, look I'm sorry I didn't mean to kiss you." He looked away, his hand touching is neck. He was embarrassed.

"That was my first time." I mumbled. He stared at me not comprehending my words.

"What did you say?" He was confused.

"It was my first time." I said louder this time so he could hear me. His eyes widen suddenly realizing that he stole my first kiss.

"I'm sorry Pidge, I thought someone like you would've had their first kiss already." He said

"Someone like me? What do you mean!! Maybe you should think before you act!!!" I looked up at him crying. He hurt me, he hurt my feelings by saying someone like me. He looked at me guilty, reaching his hand out.

"P-Pidge." He wiped away my tears. I looked up at him and a sudden rage came over me. I slapped him, then I ran away from him. I heard him call my name, but I ignored it. I made it to the door, opened it, then crumbled to the ground. I was finally in MY room, away from Lance. A sudden voice started talking to me.

What are you wearing, that's not you.

I looked up to see who it was, but then realized it was in my head.  
"What do you mean?" I said back hoping for a reply.

He likes girls in dresses, he likes girls that are pretty. That's not you.

It's last words echoed in my head, That's not you. I dug my head in my knees, hands at my ears, wanting the voice to stop.

Stop making a fool of yourself, Allura   
probably dressed you up as a joke anyway. He kissed you cause you looked like a girl, not because he likes you. He likes Katie not Pidge.

I removed my hands from my ears. It's true, he doesn't like the technology loving, sassy, sarcastic Pidge. He likes a sweet, innocent, girly Katie. How could I not see it before? I looked my outfit, wiping away the tears. I went to my closet. No dresses, just shirts and shorts. I took a pair then got changed. I replayed the whole moment. He likes my freckles I thought, I always tried to hide them before.

Of course he doesn't, he was just confused at the sight of them.

I quickly put my shirt on covering them with the long sleeves. He said I was amazing, staring at the flower crown.

Probably thought it was amazing that you could actually looked like a girl.

I started crying again, he was just confused when he saw me, he doesn't actually like me. The kiss was probably a mistake too. I heard a sudden knock on my door.

"Who is it?" You could hear my voice trembling.

"Pidge it's me, I know you don't want to talk to me, but just listen. I'm sorry for kissing you, it was a mistake" My eyes widened, so it's true he didn't mean to, so he doesn't like me. "It's just that I never seen you in a dress before and something just suddenly came over me, I saw at that moment how beautiful you were. I'm j- I'm just sorry." The voice started talking to me again.

See? It was just the dress. If he saw you in your regular outfit he would never say your beautiful. So just give up, let him love Allura. If you think about it she deserves him, after all their perfect for each other.

I started agreeing with the voice. I walked over two the door and crumbled to the ground. I heard crying from the other side of the door, it was faint but there. He was crying, again, for me. Before I had knew it, we both fell asleep at my room door. I knew he didn't leave, I just did. 

 

I woke up with an upset feeling in my stomach. I got up and opened my door to see a sleeping boy to the side of my door, he waited. He waited for me to leave, so we could talk. I thought I should leave him alone to sleep, who knows how long he stayed awake. Then the voice crept in.

Wake him up.

"Why?" I said back to it

Just do it.

And suddenly I had tapped on Lance's shoulder as he flustered then woke up. He looked up at me confused. I smiled at him. Then he got up, he seemed to have something to say, but then got distracted when Allura walked up to us.

"Lance, there you are!!!" She ran towards him then kissed him on the cheek, resulting him to blush. It didn't seem like she noticed me.

"Oh Pidge, I didn't see you there." Of she didn't. "Aw you took the outfit off, I'm not surprised though. You didn't seem like you liked it." Then she turned to Lance. "Did you see her outfit Lance? Didn't she look great?"  
Lance started blushing.

"Yeah I did. She looked amazing." He turned to me, but I wasn't pay attention. I was frozen ever since Allura came to us.

Your no competition. It's over now, Allura is back. Just walk away while you still have a chance.

I decided to listen to the voice and before Lance finished his sentence I was already walking away with my head towards the ground.

"Pidge?" Allura called out to me. I looked back at her with a fake smile, that didn't even seem believable, but it didn't matter to her. She turned back to Lance and started a conversation with him. When I saw Lance's face he seemed hurt, but of course he got distracted by Allura.

After I knew I was far away from Allura and Lance's view of me I started running. I ran until I had made it to my lion. She roared and I started to laugh.

"I'm fine I'm fine. Calm down girl." I petted her. Once I got inside I had two options. 1. To give into Lance and Allura being a thing and turn back or 2. Run away. I waited to see if the voice would come back to tell me that I should run away, if it did I would've listened. But it said nothing. I guess I'm giving in. My stomach growled, I remembered I hadn't eaten breakfast. I should do that. I got out of my lion and made my way to the kitchen where I found Hunk. He looked at me.

"Oh Hey Pidge, listen I'm sorry for what I said 2 days ago. I made peanut butter cookies for you though, I know how much you love them." I looked up at Hunk thrilled. I hadn't had peanut butter cookies since we left Earth.

"Hunk you angel! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!" I hugged him tightly then took one bite of the cookie and immediately fell in love. I took the whole batch then started walking back to my room. I grabbed my laptop and headphones, putting my headphones on to block out any sound, but before I could I heard giggling coming from a few rooms past. Allura.

"Oh Lance, you are funny." It was Allura. Talking to Lance. I froze not knowing what to do , I just stood there. Then the giggling got closer, I dropped my headphones, laptop and cookies. Then ran in the other direction. I started crying. Again. Lance, you have made a mess out of me.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Lance's POV

We heard a faint bang in the distance. Curious we walked towards it.

"Headphones, Laptop, and Peanut Butter Cookies? It's Pidge." I said looking at Allura. She picked up the headphones and laptop while I took the cookies.

"Why do you think she left these Lance?" She looked at me worried.

"Maybe something happened? All I know is that we need to find Pidge to make sure she's alright." I said back at Allura. I can't let her be hurt.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Pidge's POV

When I was running I hadn't noticed that bump of the floor and I immediately fell. I looked at my foot. Sprained. How could this happen? I am a mess. I got up trying to put as little pressure on it as I could and was limping away. In the distance I heard Lance and Allura calling my name and I panicked. I turned and saw a door, I didn't care what it was for and I quickly opened it and fell to the other side.

"Uhhhh." A voice said towards me. I looked up to see it was Keith's room. I started blushing of embarrassment.

"Oh I'm so sorry Keith, but could you keep quiet and if anyone comes act like I'm not here?" I begged him. He just shrugged his shoulders and agreed. There was a knock on the door.

"Keith have you seen Pidge?" The voice was Lance's as he called through the door. Keith turned to me.

"No." He said plainly, causing Lance to sigh.

"C'mon Allura she isn't here." He said to her. After he had said Allura I froze and I started panicking.

Allura? They must've been on a date that you disturbed. Great Job Pidge, now you seem like you hate them.

I tried to get up forgetting my sprained ankle. I immediately fell back to the ground dropping a couple of Keith's things. Keith looked back at me confused. I suddenly grabbed my ankle. Keith had a sudden realization then quickly came towards me.

"Haha, I sprained it. I know, stupid me." I looked at him with pain in my eyes. I felt like crying.

"What? No. Pidge this is serious are you ok? I'll get you fixed up." He got up and searched through his drawers to find wrapping bandages. He came back towards me and wrapped my ankle up.

"It's not that bad that we'll need a healing pod, but you still need care unless you want it to get worse." He scolded me. I looked down, I felt bad for making Keith worry. As soon as he was done I struggled to get up.

"Uh thanks Keith for you help, I'll get going now." I told him signaling that I was leaving.

"Pidge you sure?" He looked at me worried.  
I nodded.  
"Yeah, I'll just limp if I need to go anywhere." I chuckled then left his room. I forgot my shoe in there, it's fine I'll come back another day.

I started limping down the hall to where I dropped my stuff before. Nothing. Where'd it go? Maybe that's why Allura and Lance were looking for me. I sighed, guess I'll look for them. My mind started to wander.

A Cuban boy. Sweet and caring. Tanned skin with dark hair, lips so soft. Eyes, blue as the ocean. He's a goofball at heart, but a lady's man when you first meet him.

I was thinking about Lance, I touched my lips. "I kissed him, I really did." My face brightened up, but she did too. He seemed to enjoy that one more. *sigh*. I was limping towards a corner until I heard two voices. His voice.

"I'm sorry Allura, but I can't go on that date with you anymore." That's what the voice said. Lance I thought. But why couldn't he.

"That's fine Lance, I already knew you liked her. I just wanted to push you towards her more." Allura said back to him. Lance likes another girl? Figures. It got quiet, so I entered the room thinking they both had left. When I walked in they were both hugging.

"Oh sorry I didn't know I was interrupting something." I looked at them then turned away trying to walk fast but it was hard because of my ankle. Lance seemed to noticed and walked over to me, while Allura left the room, but before she did she smiled at me.

"Pidge your limping and your ankle is wrapped up. What happened?" I just looked down at my ankle and back up at him. I tried to walk away once more, but he stopped me again. "Pidge I'm serious, what's wrong." He held my wrist so I wouldn't leave. I started crying. I looked back at him and one sight of my tears had his face concerned.

"Did someone hurt you? You left your stuff before. The only one that was in their room was Keith. Was it Keith?" I looked at him confused, tears still in my eyes. "Let go of me, Lance." I mumbled. He froze. I tried to push his hand off my wrist but he wouldn't budge. "I SAID LET GO OF ME LANCE." I was crying harder, hitting his arm. Then I gave up. I turned my face away from him, I was embarrassed and mad.   
"Pidge, I love you." He whispered just enough so I could hear him. My eyes widen when he said that. Love me? Does he really?

He does. And you do too. Fall into his game, Katie. You will love Lance until he leaves you for another, but think of the positive. You'll have happiness for that period of time.

"I love you too Lance." I looked back at him. I had stopped crying but my face was still wet from where the tears were. I looked into his eyes, he seemed so thrilled to hear me say that. He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but I guess from yesterday, he wasn't gonna take the first move. So instead I whispered.

"Go ahead." His eyes widened, he once again took my face by his hands, leaned in closely and kissed me. I didn't try to make him stop, I fell into the kiss, I fell into his game. He picked me up, bridal style •~•, and continued to kiss me. He carried me to my room and sat me down on my bed. There he was, hands on the bed, mind focused on me. And I was sitting up, hands on his face. I never wanted this kiss to end. He took my waist and picked me up. I was surprised that I opened my eyes and chuckled. My legs were crossed on his back and my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Very smooth." I smiled at him. He laughed, pulling me closer to him again for another kiss. He pulled away and before he could go in for another kiss, he whispered something in my ear the made my face flushed.

"Starting today, I'll be your legs till yours get better." He whispered it so seductively I really froze this time until he put his lips back on mine. Very smooth.


	3. Because you never loved me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i forgot about this story being here. :(

Pidge's POV

I woke up in a daze. Confused, I looked around to what I saw, I could never imagine. "Blue. BLUE!" I sprang up. Yup, this was Lance's room. How long have I been here? I scratched the back of my head trying to understand the situation.

I looked down and to my surprise I was wearing Lance's jacket. I smiled. What happened last night? I turned to see Lance laying down right next to me. He was smiling in his sleep, must be having a pleasant dream. His hair was messy as if someone was playing in it-. Oh no, now I really have to know what happened last night. I sat up on the edge of the bed, scanning the room.

His room wasn't as messy as mine. The floor was kept clean except for some clothes that were laying in a corner. He even had a pair of blue lion slippers, though I swear I could've seen a red pair somewhere here.

Oh jeez, I wonder what time it is. I hope the other paladins aren't looking for me since I'm not in my room. I stood up and for a slight moment I remembered. I sprained my ankle.   
"Oh quiznack." I immediately fell to the floor. I grabbed my foot, in pain. I guess I made so much noise that Lance woke up. I looked up to see him staring down at me, at first he was confused until he saw my hand wrapped around my ankle. He basically leaped off the bed like some Prince Charming coming to my aid, or at least that's what it seemed like.  
"Pidge! Are you ok?" His eyes were filled with worry, I could've sworn that they were even tearing up.  
I looked into his eyes caught in a daze. "Um." I couldn't think straight. Then I felt an ache in my foot. "Ow." I winced in pain. I closed my eyes to bear it for the moment.   
"Pidge." Lance spoke softly. Now I could tell he was tearing up. His voice was cracking. I opened my eyes, I couldn't bare to see the sight of Lance crying. Especially for something as unimportant as a sprained ankle.  
"Lance I'm fine." I held his face in my unoccupied hand, his face sank into it. I rubbed the side of his cheek as tears of stream ran down his face.   
"No." I brought his face up. He was shocked as my expression was stern.  
"Wh-Pidge?" He wiped away the tears from the left side of his face. He was trying to say something, but he couldn't make the words out. I narrowed my eyes.  
"Don't cry for me." His eyes were filled with confusion and it almost seemed as if he was hurt from my comment.  
"Lance, you can't cry for me. Especially when it's just a sprained ankle." I gave him a fake smile to reassure him that I was fine.   
"But your in pain Pidge. That's a reason to cry." Now he was hugging me, I was shocked that I was frozen for a second before I hugged him back.  
"I'll live." I pulled away from him. He gave me a smirk.  
"Of course you will, your strong." He leaned in closer, he seemed to be pulling me into a kiss. I gave in. He was holding my face letting our foreheads touch. Our lips weren't even a full inch apart.  
"Just kiss me already." I mocked him putting my hands on my hips, resulting in us being pulled apart farther. He smirked giving me a chuckle. He instead of my face grabbed ahold of my waist, scooching me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Then finally our lips finally met its destination. But this kiss wasn't as innocent as the others. It seemed more passionate. I pulled away for a second trying to catch my breath. I wasn't used to kissing, making out, cuddling, or any of this stuff. His eyes looked back at mine. They were beaming. His eyes were desperately hungry for me to come back to him. I couldn't say no to that face and I returned back to his lips.

It seemed long, minutes probably passed, it wasn't until Lance finally pulled away. Not to end the moment, but to only make it better. He had pushed me to the ground, making me scream his name.  
"Lance!" I tried to get up until I notice that he was on top of me. Each of his hands at both sides of my face. I looked up at him innocently enough. He took advantage of the moment, he swooped in for another kiss, pulling me up with his hand. I then wrapped my arms around his back trying to pull us closer together, but he already did by putting one of his hands on the back of my head then letting it slide down to my neck. The kiss had turned from a little innocent moment to a boiling pot.

I decided to spice things up just as Lance did, so I pushed him to the ground continuing our kiss. Both of our hands were intertwined with each other's. I pressed his unto the floor as he let me take full control. At the moment in time I didn't feel like Pidge Gundersun or even Katie Holt. I felt like an entire different person and I liked it. We probably weren't ever gonna end the kiss until Shiro opened the door.  
"Lance, have you seen Pidge?" He spoke not noticing the the situation at first. At to be honest we didn't notice him there either until he screamed.  
"Woah! You guys should put up a sign or something." I looked back noticing Shiro standing at the doorway trying to avoid eye contact with us. Then I remembered the situation we were in. I was on top of Lance kissing him basically to death. I got off him and sat on the floor, legs crossed, Lance following me after. He sat up scratching the back of his hand. Then he saw what I was staring at so intensely.   
"Shiro!" He came into realization. "When did you get here?" Lance chuckled as he was trying to brush off the fact that we were just making out.  
"I was just about to ask you where Pidge was, but it seemed like you've found her." He snickered. My face lit up, I basically looked like a tomato up in there. Lance turned to me then gave me a soft smile. I didn't notice, my eyes were still focused on Shiro.   
"Well, breakfast was ready about 10 minutes ago. Everyone is waiting for you two. I guess I should go explain what happened." Shiro turned and almost left the doorway. He was halfway out the door until both me and Lance had both shouted "Stop!" simultaneously. He cocked his head back out us. "Hm?" He said, acting as if he didn't understand our predicament. I spoke first for both Lance and I.  
"Shiro, for heavens sake, don't do that." I looked up at him. He grinned back at me.  
"Oh Pidge, what do you mean?" He crossed his arms. I closed my eyes and growled for a second, but before I could speak again Lance had already said something.  
"Listen Shiro, you don't mention the whole us making out thing and I won't tell anybody about that secret you told me the other day." Lance looked at him with determination. I turned to him, oh right now his blue eyes were beaming. To be honest I'd be lying if I said I didn't start getting lost in them. It wasn't until Shiro finally said.  
"Fine." I came back to reality and turned to Shiro, my eyes were filled with joy. "I better see you both in that dining room in no more than 5 minutes." He turned back and started exiting the door till he randomly stopped. Giving me and Lance confused faces. "Better not have done anything stupid, you lovebirds." He said with a stern voice then turned away and left.

My face burned up and I could tell Lance's was too. Actually what Shiro just said raised a good question. Turning my head towards Lance, I cocked an eyebrow.  
"What happened last night?" I asked him. My question supposedly startled him because right after he became flustered.  
"Do you not remember?" He was looking at the ground refusing to look me in the eye. One hand on the floor and the other touching the back of his neck.  
"I remember what happened before you bought me to my room and what we did once we got there, but that's where I'm confused. We were in my room." I scratched the side of my head trying to confirm the room we entered.  
"Well after, you started to get sleepy, I asked if you wanted me to leave and you denied and said that you wanted me to say with you, so I bought you to my room when you suddenly fell asleep on the bed in my arms." He said finally looking at me. He was speaking the truth, I could see it in his eyes.  
"Oh, that makes sense." I tried to get up. Struggling, I stumbled causing me to fall. Luckily Lance caught me before a whole other disaster happened.  
"I said I'd be your legs till yours healed." He smiled at me.  
"Oh yeah." I giggled. Giggled? That was new. I covered my mouth to hide my laugh. Lance instantly noticed and pulled my hand away from my mouth as he helped me up. All he said to me was.  
"Don't." He said it so seriously that I felt like I had done something wrong. I looked away feeling guilty for something I didn't even know of.

Shiro had told us 5 minutes tops and we had already spent 3 of them still in this room.  
"Lance we gotta go unless you want to the feel the wrath of an angry Shiro." I said trying to said scary and silly at the same time. Lance laughed at my joke and we made our way to the dining room with Lance helping me on my way there.

On the way we kept joking around about the expressions on Shiro's face when he first saw us. Lance had said something about Shiro being jealous of his new girlfriend and I nudged him in the arm. He took my hand and intertwined our fingers. He kept swinging it back and forth. We definitely got there later than 5 minutes. Maybe it was because I was limping the whole way there or maybe because Lance and I didn't want our conversation to end.

Before we entered the room we stopped at the doorway, not in anyone's view though. We had heard Shiro talking about something, it was muffled even though we were so close to them. He pressed our backs against the wall until we heard Shiro say.  
"I told those two 5 minutes!" He was feeious that we were late. Maybe because to everyone else we were just sleeping in, but to him we could've been making out.  
"They just over slept Shiro, that's it. Give them time." Allura scolded him. It wasn't until we heard a chair being pushed and footsteps that at first seemed distant got louder. I pressed tighter on Lance's hands. This was the first time I've ever been scared to face Shiro.

Walked out the door to see us standing right in front of him.  
"And what took you so long?" He cocked his eyebrow, his right foot tapping on the floor impatiently, and his hands crossed.  
All that came out my mouth was.  
"Uhhhhhh. Short legs?" I said nervously laughing, hoping he'd just turn to Lance for his reason.  
"I had to help Pidge, she sprained her ankle the other day. So she was limping." Lance spoke up. Shiro turned to me and I violently shook my head up and down. "Yup, he's right. Look at my ankle." I pointed down to my foot, to where you could see it wrapped up in bandages. Shiro looked up at Lance confused. I understood completely what Shiro was puzzled at.   
"Keith wrapped it up." I told him. Shiro made the shape of an O with his mouth as his tension loosened up.  
"Well, maybe after breakfast we'll get it checked up." He said turning around and his shadow disappearing into the dining room. I was hesitant at first, but letting go of Lance's hand I entered the room with Lance behind me Incase I fell.   
"Oh there you are!" Allura beamed up, happy to see us.  
"Finally, we can eat now." Keith said eyes closed and arms crossed. Lance and I walked to our chairs and sat down. I picked up my spoon and looked at the goo. Before I could place it in my mouth Hunk turned to me with a question that was very alarming. To both me and Lance.  
"Why are you wearing Lance's jacket?" He looked down at me.

Oh Quiznack.


	4. Until I Looked Like Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think people actually this story also sorry for my grammar mistakes I wrote like the first half of this story two years ago

Pidge's POV 

Hunk looked down at me.  
"Why are you wearing Lance's jacket?"

Oh Quiznack

I kept my face low, trying to think of an answer.  
"She was cold, so I gave it to her." Lance blurted out. I guess I wasn't the only one flustered.  
"Yeah that would make sense, but Pidge has long sleeves." Hunk pointed out turning to Lance.  
"I'm not wearing my shirt!" I said. I didn't even notice what I just said until Lance's face started to heat up. Everyone was looking at me and Shiro looked mad. "I mean I'm wearing a shirt. Just not that shirt." No one moved. I could tell they were trying to see if I was telling the truth or not. "IM WEARING A BLACK TEESHIRT!!" I finally yelled. I unzipped Lance's jacket to show them my shirt.  
"Ohhhh yeah, of course Pidge. We knew that you just wouldn't be unclothed." Allura said snapping back to reality. "Unless something else happened as well?" She was looking at me with her head tilted. She knew something. I looked to Lance who was across from me staring at Allura.  
"Allura I know for a fact that their just friends." Hunk grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into a side hug. "Plus, the other day you and Lance had something going on anyway." He let loose of the hold and grabbed his spoon. "Aren't you guys dating or something? I mean you did kiss." His mouth was full as he kept talking.

I looked down feeling uncomfortable knowing that everyone thinks that Allura and Lance are dating. I couldn't even run this time because of my ankle! I shoved some goo into my mouth. This is gonna be a long breakfast.

Allura's face stood frozen uncomprehending what came out of Hunk's mouth.   
"Uhhh yeah, you know it." Lance said wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Allura was confused. She looked at me and Lance back and forth as if she was looking for some approval. I kept my head low so I couldn't see him flirting with her. It wasn't until I looked up to see Lance wink at her signaling to go with whatever he was gonna say next.   
"Um yeah. Sure, me and Lance are dating." She pulled him into a bear hug and kissed his cheek causing him to blush a little. My blood was boiling just at the sight of them. When this is all over Lance is in trouble.

Shiro stared blankly as the "couple" flirted with each other. In an instant when Allura said "I love you." to Lance, he turned to me. Just as confused as he was he also seemed to be angered from the two.   
"I love you too." Said Lance kissing her on the cheek this time. I sank my head lower, even though it was fake it still hurt. My eyes started to tear up and if Hunk hadn't bud in the conversation I would've been balling my eyes out.

"Pidge, you barely ate. Are you ok? Are you not feeling good?" His voice was concerned. He was rubbing circles on my back as a way to make me feel better. I blinked the tears away and bought my face up.   
"No I'm not actually, maybe we could do the check up now, Shiro? Only so I could go to my room for some rest." I turned my direction towards him.   
"Of course." He said smiling back at me. I got up, hands on the table so I wouldn't put any pressure on my foot, waiting for Shiro to get up so he could help me out of the room. He walked over to me and reached his hand out so I could grab it.

One we left the room I let my mind wander.

You know? It seems like we've been the one played this whole time.

I let that sink in for a moment. Why now of all times to make me feel bad. I started tearing up again. Shiro as keen as he is noticed.  
"Um I didn't want to say anything back there, but if you wanted me to stop them I would've." I looked at Shiro surprised.  
"Why would you stop them?" My voice was cracking given I was on the verge of crying.  
"Pidge, I thought you and Lance were dating." He stopped me, with two hands holding my shoulders.

Apparently not.

"Apparently not." I repeated. Brushing one of his hands off.   
"What do you mean apparently not? Pidge if he means something to you-." He kept rambling on. I blocked his voice out just looking to the side, looking at the hallway that we just came from. Knowing that at the end there was a room with a perfect couple sitting at the table having fun together.

"Katie? Katie!" I shifted my focus back to Shiro.  
"Hm?" I was staring at him now.  
"Pidge. Are you and Lance dating?" That question echoed in my head.  
"Dating?" I was trying to understand what he was saying, but my emotions didn't want to. "Of course not, Shiro. What would've made you think that way?" I was confused. Being blinded by my own emotions to even think for a second of what I was saying.  
"Pidge. You guys were making out. In. His. Room." His voice stern as if he was trying to make me understand.   
"We were not. I was just tackling him. We wanted to pull a prank on someone to think that." I started crying. "Why would you think we were dating? Lance doesn't like me. He only likes girls that are pretty, beautiful, cute. That's not me Shiro." I felt broken. Hearing the words come out of my mouth felt so true. I pushed his other arm off my shoulder.  
"Pidge." He said softly, as to trying to calm me down.   
"Could we do the check up later? I need to go to my room now." I wiped my tears away even though it made no difference since more just kept rolling down my face.   
"That means that you can't go into battle until your ankle is healed. We don't want a permanent damage." He reassured me. I nodded back at him understanding that I'd be out of commission for a couple of weeks.

He helped me back to my room. The walk there was silent. I was in no mood for a talk. Unless you count the voice in my head. It always seemed to come and go whenever it wanted to. Always making my life miserable. Before I even knew it we were at my door.  
"Oh, that was fast." I mumbled. Shiro glanced at me with a tilted head then he started to head out back into the hallway. I watched his shadow leave until there was nothing left.

I walked into my room, stumbling over many things since my floor was messy with comics and spare electronic parts. I tried to clean up as best as I could knowing for the next couple of weeks that's it'd be hard to walk on the floor if it wasn't clean. I tried my best, but I mostly just slid most of the stuff under my bed.

In the corner of my eye I saw a small figure. I instantly knew what it was. Not turning towards it I said "Lance."

I knock came at my door. I frantically took the Lance sculpture and hid it under my bed. Because I was rushing I fell to the floor. I winced in pain as my ankle throbbed. I should really get crutches. When I looked up a saw a tall Cuban boy staring at me. He was bent down, hand out so I could grab it. So I did. He pulled me up, not wanting to fall I put my other hand on his arm.   
"I got you Pidge." He said laughing. He could see I wasn't trusting him at the moment. Once I gained balanced I let go of his arm.

Being the Lance that he is, he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to his. He leaned farther down this time so I wouldn't have to go on my tip toes to reach him. For a moment I forgot that I was mad at him, just sinking into the kiss as if nothing happened. It wasn't until he bit my lip that I pulled away.

I took my hands and squished his cheeks together.  
"No kisses." I told him. His face had gone from confused to sad quick.  
"Oh come on." He said grabbing my hands and pulling them down. I pulled them away putting them on my hips. Showing him that I was serious. He gave the puppy dog face, thinking I would change my mind. I crossed my arms and turned my face away from him.   
He eventually gave up.  
"Ok what's wrong Pidge?" He walked over to me. Still not replying to him I let out a "hmph". After a while of pleading he turned to his last resort. And apparently his last resort is seduction because out of nowhere he was behind me kissing every visible skin on my neck and shoulders. Blushing a beat red I finally gave in.   
"I'm mad at you." I said hitting his face causing him to stop. I could tell my question confused him, he walked back in front of me where I was staring him in the eye.   
"And why is that?" He took both my arms and pulled me in a hug. I dug my head in his chest trying to avoid the question. He picked my head up and asked again.

"You and Allura. It's just you seemed happy and she kissed you on the cheek, THEN YOU KISSED HER BACK. And this whole time you were just playing me right?" I looked up at him crying. His eyes filled with guilty as he heard those words come out of my mouth. " I mean come on what was I thinking! I thought you actually liked me. I should've known better. Allura is tall, pretty, sweet. A princess!" I was shouting at him, hardening my grip. "And I'm not! I'm none of those things! I'm not pretty. At all! Only thing that I am is smart. And your not looking for a girl that is smart right?" I looked up at him. "Yeah, your not. I know I'm don't act or seem like a girl but you didn't have to go and humiliate me out of it! Now Shiro thinks we're dating and it's fine I told him we weren't. But one day I was hoping that we would tell him." I started to laugh. "Guess I'm too ugly to be your girlfriend or anyone's at that huh?" I finally ended. Tears were rolling down my face as I was clenching his shirt in my hands. His shirt were stained with my tears and oddly enough I felt bad about it.  
"And now I've stained your shirt." I said sniffling. I finally looked back up at Lance noticing his expression. Crying. He was crying. I made him cry. Again. I felt terrible, I pushed away from the hug rubbing my arm.

I didn't even see him move until he kissed me. As shocked as I was I stood there. Not pressing my lips against his, not holding his neck or back. I just stood there. He released from the kiss holding my face. Still crying he said.  
"Don't you ever! Think that your not beautiful! Of course you smart, but your also everything else!" He was shouting at me in a gentle tone only to show that he meant his words. He continued. "Your better than Allura. You are your own person, that I happened to fall in love with. I love everything about you." He pressed his forehead on mine smiling at me. " I love the way your glasses gleam, or the fact that your very competitive. I love to see how you beam up whenever you see Altean technology or that smirk you make whenever your teasing me. And the best of all I love the freckles that you hide under your long sleeves shirt." He lifted my head. I was falling into every word he said. "And the list goes on and on, but I don't have an eternity to list them all. I'd rather spend that eternity with you." He ended. My tears had stopped but his were still running. I was in awe. From that fact that he noticed so much about me, or that he loved everything about me.   
"Really?" I sniffled still wanting to cry, but it seemed like he was doing enough of that for the both of us. He was rubbing my cheek with his thumb.  
"Yes. Really." He smiled back. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and before he could look back at me, I kissed him back. I wanted this moment to last forever, but it was interrupted my the sound of the alarms.  
"Paladins, we are under attack. You must get to your lions now!" Allura yelled through the intercom. "Pidge, take it easy and come to me. We will help the others from the Castle." She said lastly before ending.

I looked up at Lance. I didn't want him to leave just yet.   
"I have to, I'll be back after Pidge." He said to me before kissing my cheek.  
"You better come back safe." I scolded him. He laughed a little before running out of the room towards the hangars. I whispered something to myself before heading out.

You better come back here safe. I won't forgive you otherwise.


	5. But That's Ok

Pidge's POV 

He bolted out of them room as the alarms were blaring in my ear. His eyes held determination, I knew he'd come back safe. I cracked a small smile. Limping I walked out the room, heading out towards Allura. Since Shiro had said that he wouldn't allow me to go on missions unless my ankle was fully recovered, I knew I'd be hopeless.

Walking down the corridors, my mind felt like it was in a trance. Seeing the same walls over and over again. It just repeated, never changed. No pictures either. I guess it was an Altean thing.

Not realizing it until now, but my leg was grounded. Keeping me from moving on. I looked down to see my calf had been bleeding this whole time. Hm. Bleeding?! It wasn't a lot, only as if someone took a thick needle and inserted it into my leg and let it bled out. I soon dropped to the floor, as I my standing leg was my current injured ankle.

"Perfect. Take her now that she's unable to escape."

I turned my head to hear a deep voice coming closer to me, as I struggled to understand who it was. Sendak. I flipped my head back, thinking of ways to run. Thinking of ways to get to Allura.

"Hello green paladin." His voice was right next to my ear. In the corner of my eye I could see him crotched down, gun at my head. I pressed my eyes closed, scared of him pressing the trigger. I couldn't do much. I didn't have my armor, bayard, my lion. I had nothing. I had to give up. I let out a sigh showing I surrendered. I didn't know what they were gonna do. My thoughts wandered. I opened my eyes turning to Sendak. He had a dark and devious smile. Soon the hallway went pitch black, only allowing me to scream for a slight moment.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Allura's POV

"The ships are.... fleeing?"

"Yeah better run!"

"Lance, this doesn't seem right."

"Guys I think we're done."

Done? That was too easy of a battle. Looking back at the ships in reassurance. They were fleeing. Something doesn't seem right.

"I agree with Shiro. Something here doesn't seem right." I focused back on the lions. And where is Pidge?

"Maybe Pidge has an idea on this?" The confused yellow paladin asked.

"She's not here." I answered him looking back around the room searching for here. Nope.

"What? Wasn't she here before the mission started?" The red paladin seemed to be getting a little. Ticked. "She just can't disappear like that." He ended.

"Maybe there's a reason? She probably went to her lion." The blue paladin said trying to calm down the raged Keith.

"I'll check." I looked back at the castle's cameras. She's not there....

"Um guys? She's not there." I was panicking now.

"She probably fell. Remember her ankle is injured." Shiro said calmly. How could he be calm knowing that she disappeared.

"Coran could you see if you pick up any recent heat signatures in the past ticks?" I asked. Coran only nodded turning back to his screen. After a few moments the paladins grew anxious. To be honest, I did as well.

"The Galra ships fleeing only when we came out and now Pidge disappearing. I don't have a good feeling about this." I frantically searched through the cameras once more.

"Allura it's fine-." The blue paladin got cut off by a scream coming from the corridors on the other side of the room. It's Pidge.

"What's that?" He asked as soon as it had stopped.

"PIDGE!" I screamed back, hoping she'll say something.

"The Galra, Sendak. He's in the castle." Coran blurted. All the paladins eyes widened and so did mine.

"What!" Shiro shouted. He was trying not to accept Cowan's answer.

"All paladins back to the castle before he escapes. NOW!" I cried. What if that's why Pidge screamed. I may not know about Earth beings that much, but seeing her this morning I know she can't do much because of something Shiro had called her ankle.

"It's too late." Coran sinking his head down.  
"They took her. They took the green paladin." He slammed his fist down.

No. How could we let this happen? I looked back at the hallway. Pidge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pidge's POV

I woke up in a blur, not understanding at all what just occurred. This isn't Lance's room and it's definitely not mine. I tried to examine the room but it was poorly lit. Maybe it was because my eyes haven't gotten used to this lighting, but one thing I knew for certain was. Purple. Then memories started pouring in my head as if it was a moment of realization. I was captured. Another thing I would've never excepted to happen to me.

Before I even got the chance to take in that I was actually captured by Sendak, the door slid open.

"Hello, green paladin. It seems like you've waken up." I looked up frightened. In front of me was basically a purple furry. Like an evil Chucky Cheese character.

"What would you want?" I snickered.

"Well you are in my prison. I guess you'd have to repay me in some way." Walking closer to me, holding a sword in one hand and his other was balled into a fist.

"This crap of place isn't free? I guess I really lucked out huh?" I stared him in the eye as he was right in front of me now. He drew his sword and sliced something above my head.   
My arms plummeted on my lap. I haven't even noticed that they were in chains this whole time. He picked up the remaining chain attached to my cuffs.

"Now are you ready for some fun?" He chuckled dragging me out of the cell I was in. I tried kicking, but doing that only hurt my sprained ankle more.

He pulled me down another corridor. As these halls were lighted I could see that I was dressed in Galra prisoner outfit. Seeming a little different from the ones we've seen before. Only difference was the one I was wearing now is a dress. A dark purple rag of a dress covered my body up until my knees. I could even hear my brother saying sarcastically. "How scandalous."

We then passed a room, brighter than the hallway and anything I've seen in this ship so far. There was a single operating table in the room and a tray next to it. I couldn't see what was on it though, I was too far down to even see the top of it. Sendak stopped in front of the door that was connected to that room. Now understanding I shouted.

"No don't!" My voice was stern.

"You have no choice. As a paladin of Voltron you must face the punishment. Torture is an easy punishment. You must be lucky for Zarkon has taken a liking to you." He didn't look back at me at all. Not even a slight bit of sorry or hurt when he tortured me too. Electrified, cut in a few places, beaten up too. Not in that order though.

It seemed like he had taken pride in his work. For the past week, I never slept. For one reason, that being that he never let me slept. Apparently sleeping is a gift, something to rejoice after. Even if it was for 10 ticks. It didn't bother me at first but after a while all I want to do is sleep.

The cell I woke up at, I rarely saw. He would usually keep me in the operation room. Unless he decide that he decided that that day I needed a cut mark then he'd leave me bleed out for a couple of minutes in the cell. Honestly as painful as it was, it was the only time I didn't have to see his face. Which is always a blessing.

Most of my time were spent in the operation room. He'd ask me questions about Voltron. Asking me to tell secrets or else I'd be electrocuted. I always was electrocuted. Depending on the day, he's also beat me up. Only if he's in a bad mood and needs a punching bag. But for an ugly face like that when is he not?

By the end of the week I ended up with a broken arm and leg, bruises all over, and a few cuts here and there. Good things about the end of the week was he'd leave a whole day for solitude. With only a device that would shock me when I tried to sleep. I guess it wasn't so bad. On my first week being there I had the same thoughts as any prisoner. Voltron will come and save me. And Lance, he'll definitely be the one to find me before anyone else. Right?

Leaving me and my thoughts for a whole idea was bad. Especially since the voice came back.

They won't come.

You never know.

Probably rejoicing. The short and annoyingly smart girl was gone. Who wouldn't be happy?

Annoying? Am I annoying?

No one wants to listen to you rant.

But he did.

Ha. Only a sight of pity. Remember Katie, no one liked you back at middle school. Why do you think it'd change at high school? Wouldn't it just get worse.

I don't know. I just thought they were different from everyone else. I thought he was.

They're not coming.

...

Accept it. Repeat after me. No one

No one.

Likes you

Likes me.

Because I am worthless.

I am worthless.

Game over, Katie.

I closed my eyes trying to hold back tears. Why didn't I see it earlier. The voice was right this whole time. I ran through my hair with my functioning hand. I guess Voltron isn't coming. I curled up into a ball, like I usually do and sobbed. All day. Knowing that no one will come for me, that no one ever liked me, or that I'll probably die here next week.

The door slid open, tried to not looking up, but a something crashed on the floor. Catching my attention. Quickly as I did, I saw body laying on the ground. I was confused.

"#4066 Matt Holt." Those words, Matt. I looked back at the body hoping it would look up at me. "Is dead." Sendak continued. "#4045 Sam Holt is now in custody and will be bought to this room for his ending." My eyes watered. I didn't want to show me being weak in front of Sendak, but I just did. I tried screaming, crying, anything. I only wanted him to stop. "#5021 Katie Holt will be set free back to Voltron once Sam is declared dead." My eyes widened. Is this what they planned? Capture me, torture, then to top the cake off he'd kill my family members in front of me, then THEN he'd set me free. Why? "Matt and Sam Holt's last wishes were to send my daughter and sister free." My eyes glued to Matt. His skin color was so pale, paler then it used to be. I checked to see if he was breathing. Nothing. This is what's gonna happen to dad? No don't let it be true. I looked back at Sendak with rage, almost wanting to kill him off, to only see my dad right in front of him.

"Katie." He looked speechless. I was too. I could only cry. He fell towards me, trying to not disturb Matt's body. He gave me a hug. A hug so warm and tight, but was taken away from me so soon. A sword struck through his back. He looked down to see his chest gushing with red. Glancing back up he tried to say. "I love you." Before his body became lifeless just like the other one on the floor. My hands were red. I could only stare back and forth from my brother and dad then back to my hands.

"The deed is done, time to go green paladin." Sendak said to me, motioning me to stand up, so he could pull me out the room. But I stayed kneeling down staring at them. Letting my dress and knees soak in the blood that came from my father. "My goodness what a mess." I'm sure that's what he'd say. "Looks like it's that time of month." Matt would jokingly say, knowing it would always get me mad.

I still had not moved from my spot. This irritated Sendak. Moving from his position at the door he stepped over the bodies as if he never even cared. Which he never did. He took my neck chain and dragged me out the room. With me refusing and pushing, only trying to stay with the passes family members. He then slapped me across my face. I tried reaching to my cheeks, but he already began pulling once more.

I was dragging blood along as we made our way to the pods. He deciding best sent me to an escape pod. Throwing me inside he waved goodbye. I could only crawl up in a corner, staring at the blood that was stained on my dress. Before he closed the pod he threw a jacket inside. I don't care about it I only looked down. I felt when we weren't sent off the Galra ship and probably making our way to the Castle of Lions. I closed my eyes, cause in the first time in a week I could without being punished.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Time skip~~  
Third POV

The paladins and princess stared into space as they saw a pod coming close to the Castle.  
All of their eyes beaming as they rushed and made their way to wear it should be taken in.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pidge's POV

The pod door slid open and I looked up, the first since Sendak had sent me off. I saw everybody. I could see Hunk, Lance, and Allura tearing up. Shiro looking relived and even Keith looked happy to see me, but all faces dropped as soon as they saw my condition. My dress drenched in blood, my face in tears, and not to mention all the bruises and cuts on the revealing skin. I didn't stare much as they did. I simply looked back down, hand in my hair. Still curdled up in a ball and I wasn't planning on moving soon. Tears kept rolling down my face as the pictures of Matt and my dad dead in front me.

Shiro had walked up to me his hand held out. Oddly it scared me, so much I pushed farther back into the corner, shutting my eyes. The only words that could come out was. "No, don't hurt me." Shiro then removes his hand from my reach, he gave the group a few glances before putting his focus back on me.   
"Do you know who I am?" I opened my eyes. I was confused, why would he ask such a silly question.   
"Shiro, Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Allura." I pointed to each of them when I called out their names. "Keith is a hot head. Lance is a ladies man. Hunk is a great cook. Allura is the princess. And Shiro is the captain." I continued. "Then there's the mice, and Coran. He's the wise old man." I showed a weak fake smile. "So yes I do know who you are." Shiro's eyes widened. As he was amazed.   
"Oh of course, how could you forget? Then Pidge would you come inside?" I haven't heard my name been said that way in a while. My eyes looked back at him. I shook my head. "No." Lance called out from the side. "Why not, Pidge?" I hated it when they called me Pidge. It made me feel useless. Katie was no better. So I'd rather go with my birth name. "I want to stay in this pod." I demanded.   
"But Pidge your hurt you can't." Hunk pleaded.  
"Katherine. Call me my name not my nickname." Everyone was shocked.   
"Ok then. Katherine your hurt, your bleeding." Keith continued for Hunk.   
"This is not my blood." I looked down at my dress. I could tell everyone was perplexed. "This blood is my father's." Allura's face had gone from alarmed to worry.   
"Katherine, what did you do?" She questioned. Everyone seemed more aroused at Allura's question then everything that happened.   
"Sendak killed him in front of me. Along with Matt." Shiro's face flipped back to me. "I didn't not kill him, I only tried to embrace him before he died." I stared Allura in the eye now.   
"I never accused you." She started to panic, I could tell she thought I did.  
"Leave me alone now. Everyone." I honestly needed to be alone. Everyone left one by one starting off with Allura, ending with Lance. He stayed the longest. I didn't mind as much since all he did was stand there, he didn't make any interactions which I'm glad. I only looked back at my rag of a dress thinking that maybe Matt and dad didn't die. Before Lance left he had told me something. Something that he said would help me cope.

"I'm always here. In my room with peanut butter cookies, KillBot, a set of arms and ears, and a box of tissues waiting for you. And I'll wait for as long as you need."


End file.
